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Just found out fiance was addicted to opiates

by Erin
(Ohio)

My fiance recently revealed to me he has been addicted to opiates for the past 2 years, Percocet in particular. He drained his savings and retirement accounts to pay for it. He told his mom everything too and she is paying off all his debt to help him.

I told my fiance we have to go to counseling because I feel betrayed for being lied to for so long, as well as afraid for the future. He says he quit on his own after several tries, finally taking Suboxone for only 3 weeks and not having a pill since January of this year.

We are getting married in just 4 months, and I still want to marry him, but I know we need to work on some things, because I have no idea how to trust him again. He is willing to talk with someone alone as well, since there must be a reason he has done this.

I have such mixed emotions -- I want to be there for him, as I am his soon-to-be wife, but I am also upset being his soon-to-be wife that there was this big secret for so long.

How do we move on from here?

How do I know he's not still taking the pills?

How will I know in the future if he starts again?

Comments for Just found out fiance was addicted to opiates

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Trust must be earned!
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Erin,

You're in a very difficult position. Opiate addiction is a disease of the brain and causes the addict to do what ever is needed to continue their addiction.

You're asking EXACTLY the right questions that must be answered before you commit to marriage. I recommend that you both go to counseling to try to resolve these issues. I would also recommend you join Al-anon to learn as much as you can about Opiate addiction.

Most people can't stop opiate addiction on their own, I'm concerned that he will start using again because he hasn't gone through treatment. I would tell him that he MUST attend AA or NA and begin the 12 step program before your marriage. Al-anon with explain this to you and help you to know whether he is working the steps or not.

Addiction is a terrible disease and OFTEN reoccurs, that's why it is so critical that he begins to work the 12 steps and stays in recovery, otherwise the likelihood of relapse is EXTREMELY high!


Good Luck,

Debbie


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