Im a 27 year old female and I have been addicted to pain pills for about 4 years now. I experimented with opiates a little bit through my high school years but I would only take a couple here and there, not much or often at all. I would go to parties and drink, though, every weekend and before I knew it I was drinking everyday.
I was depressed and I couldn't stop. It was the only thing that made me feel better. When I turned 21, I met the most amazing man that I ended up marrying 2 weeks after my 22 birthday. I was so happy with him that I didn't feel the need to drink everyday anymore. I was doing great and he never drank and that helped a lot also.
We were offered Lortabs from a friend of ours and we accepted the offer. We would take Lortabs and Percocets occasionally, maybe a couple times a week. Before we knew it it became an everyday thing. When we would try to stop taking them we would have horrible withdrawals.
We didn't want to have to go through the withdrawals so we continued taking them on a daily basis. We were hooked. He was unaware that I was buying and taking more than he knew about. A lot of times I was using HIS money to get my extra ones. I became a liar and a thief. I lost my job but didn't tell my husband because he would get so upset. He worries about everything anyway and I didn't want to add anymore stress to his life.
I had to come up with ways to get money for pills and so he would think I was still getting a paycheck. I pawned everything I could, I stole a watch, a GPS, and a blank check from my brother that I got cashed. I also found the combination to my parents safe and over the course of a month I stole around $3,000 from them (I'm bad about getting high and losing stuff and I ended up losing my wallet with about $600 in it, which I stole from my parents).
So, I've lost my job, pawned everything I could get my hands on that was worth anything, and stole everything I could to support my habit and to play off the fact that I wasn't working. My parents found out it was me who was stealing from them and kicked us out (we were living with them at the time) and they have disowned me.
I never thought I'd be this person. I was such a nice, honest person and the drugs turned me into a stranger. I've denied everything to my husband but I just wish I had the courage to tell him the truth about everything. It's getting so hard remembering all the lies I've told everyone. I told myself I'd never take oxycodone and here I am on 60 milligrams at this very moment.
I want to get clean sooooo very bad but it is so hard I just want to be happy like I used to be. My husband loves me so much and I love him and I hate lying to him more than anything.
I just want a normal, sober, happy long life. If I keep going like I'm going, I will be dead or in jail within a month or two. I hate myself.
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." - Matthew 7:7-8