My boyfriend is addicted to crack.
My boyfriend is addicted to crack.
He has been to a treatment center and has also worked there. When we first met he said he was clean.
He wasn’t. He had just gotten high a few days prior. I was under the impression that he was ok but just needed a little more encouragement and support than the average person.
We’ve been together for 7 months now and he has relapsed 5 times. He says he doesn’t need to go to go to rehab again, that there isn’t anything new he can learn from going. He will begin to attend N/A meetings and hopefully find a good sponsor.
I’m scared to death of our future. I’m haunted by the lies he’s told me to make me think he’s out doing something other than getting high. I felt helpless and unloved during the hours and days I was unable to reach him.
The last time he relapsed was only two days ago. He told me the day before that he was called to do a moving job. He left early the next morning and I was in touch with him all day until 8pm that night. The last thing he told me was I’ll be home soon.
He didn’t show up until 3:45am. When he came back, I cried to him and felt nothing but despair and anger and every possible emotion that’s associated with this type of act from someone you love from the very core of yourself.
Of course he couldn’t say much. With a blank stare and absolutely no emotion that I could tell, he said “I’m sorry.”
The next day he explained what happened. He had an appointment with a jeweler in the morning. He had put down a down payment for an engagement ring! And on his way back he gave in to an urge and went to the projects to score his rock!
He wasn’t even in a bad mood, all he had to do was think about it and tell himself that he could just continue lying to me!
Completely cheated, deceived, manipulated and broken-hearted, I am still standing by him. Hoping, praying and fearfully waiting for him to become a better man.
Someone whom I would one day, proudly wear a ring for.
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Similar to my story
My boyfriend and I have been together 8 months. He has lied, cheated, manipulated and even stolen my inheritance money to score crack. When I met him, he told me he was clean (he wasn’t). He kept it from me, telling me he was smoking pot (I knew nothing about drugs so I believed him). When I found out he lied to me about spending a lot time with his ex girlfriend, I ended things. I was tired of being 2nd to everything in his life. He went over the deep end. I have never seen him so bad. After 7 weeks, we got back together and I thought things were going good, but they weren’t. He held me while I cried when I thought my bank account had been compromised and the inheritance money I had been given was gone. Later I found out it was him. We thought I might have been pregnant and just before I found out I wasn’t, he confessed that he was using again. I freaked out because I could have been pregnant, we could have been bringing a child into the world and he is out using. I love him to death but some times I wonder why I am still with him when he has done so much. I wonder how our life will be, what will become of us, if we get married and have children…will I be a single mom while he continues to use? Will I have to support both of us? etc. He’s been clean for a month and is on the wait list to get into a treatment facility. I know I cannot live my life the way its been the last 8 months so whether it was right to do or not, I sat him down and told him that if I didn’t see a good effort from him into his recovery, if I didn’t see him do something about it, get help and make a new path for himself, then we couldn’t be together. He got mad at first but agreed. I gave him 2 months to show me the effort. Since our talk, he’s been clean, is on a wait list for a treatment center and has looked into another outpatient facility. I am really proud of him and hope he keeps going with his sobriety. Make sure to set boundaries and stick to them. 🙂 |
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My experience, strength, and hope…
once you are lied to it just becomes easier to live with the lie than with the truth, and when I’ve done that, I’ve surrendered my personal power to whatever. I started attending Al/Narcotics Anon meetings so I could be the best me I am today. Love is not attached to the ‘hood. I, with all the love in my heart, had to say as lovingly to her and also for ME. Today I have my personal power back and I am powerless over people, places, and things. They make my life unmanageable. Just for Today I am going to be one with myself and the Higher Power. Just for Today I am going to be; going to do; going to have! |
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Professional Help
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What’s It Going To Be?
That’s the way addiction is. No matter how many times a person relapses, or how many times they have been through treatment, if they are willing there is always hope. If he’s saying he doesn’t want to go back to rehab, we both know that his statement is foolish. He needs to go back because he can’t handle his life. Maybe he’s embarrassed, maybe he thinks it doesn’t work, maybe he hates the therapists. Whatever the case, he’s the one with the problem not the treatment center, not the therapists and not you. I am, however, concerned about you. This is emotionally difficult and you need support not just a sympathetic ear, but emotional support from someone who understands what you’re going through. Groups like Al-Anon are places where people just like you can get that support, and hopefully also get help for the one they love. You may want to have a chat with the treatment center and share your thoughts and feelings with them, because it sounds like you need a plan, not only to help yourself, but to get him back in the right direction. You also needs to set sound rules, boundaries and limitations with him. No matter how much you love him, if he stays on the addiction path, he won’t love you, no matter how many times he tells you he does. Addiction doesn’t love anybody. Addiction is a liar of the worst type, a murderer and you can never trust addiction to deal straight up with you. You need to help him get away from it and to do that you need a plan. So, get on the phone, get on the internet and look for professionals who can guide you. If he won’t get help, or at least try, you will have a hard decision to make. |