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Need to cut ties with friends that still use?

by Lisa

I am not in a 12 step program.

My name is Lisa. I am working my recovery through counseling. It’s been 3 months and thank God I’m working it!

My problem, question / is how do I end relationships with friends who use?

My friends are very close due to unusual events, I need to cut the ties. I need the words. Please help me. I struggle with this every day.

We are all adults.

Comments for Need to cut ties with friends that still use?

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Very hard to cut ties, often causes relapse.

by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Lisa,

First congratulations on three month of sobriety. Cutting ties with friends is often one of the most difficult yet critical parts of addiction recovery. Many people go to treatment and get sober, but then they return home to the environment where they used and end up relapsing because of their friends.

Often, when we use drugs, the only friends we have also use drugs so in order to stay sober we have to change our life style completely and begin to develop new interests and friends who don’t use. That is often why people attend 12 step meetings, to begin to create a new social circle with like minded people.

Because you are all adults, you need to tell them that you are now sober and want to remain that way. Because they use, you can’t be around them. Their use could trigger a relapse for you and your sobriety is the most important part of your life right now.

You can say that you love and care about them, but until you are MUCH stronger in your sobriety you can’t be around them.

If they are TRULY your friends and care about you they will understand and accept what you’re telling them. If not, then you a still better off without them in your life.

Good Luck,

Debbie Wicker

How to cut ties without incuring guilt or conflict

by: Anonymous

Most of us know that we must cut ties with people who trigger our alcoholism and addiction, but some practical advice on what to say, how to lovingly and helpfully deliver the message to those still suffering or even our old friends we used with who are in recovery with us… they still trigger us.

Would love practical advice on what to say, what not to say in this situation to avoid resentments and conflict. Thank you!

Choosing the right words is tricky

by: Debbie Wicker

Deciding what is the best way to move away from people during our recovery is very challenging. I would look for guidance from my higher power and remember to consider the nine fruit of the spirit: kindness, goodness, gentleness, patience, self control, love, joy, faithfulness and peace.

These qualities given to us by the Holy Spirit, lead us to make excellent choices and help us to find the peace necessary to move forward.

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“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.”
– Matthew 7:7-8