by Brooke Truman

(Greenfield, OH)

I am a mother of 3 kids. 2 boys-one is 9 and one is 2 1/2 and a little girl who is 11 months old.

I started using cocaine when my oldest son was about 1 1/2. I did it for almost 2 years until I started going to a doctor who prescribed me Vicodin and Valium at the age of 19. This is how my addiction of opiates began.

I was also working and going to school when my addiction first began. My prescription never lasted me a whole month. I would swap with my mom, my best friend and even my son’s Grandpa. If I had no one to swap with I would buy them off the street. And I would trade my Valium for Oxycontin.

I didn’t realize then just how addicted to pain pills I actually was. At the age of 20 I had a good job working in an office. I worked there for 2 1/2 years until my son’s step mother called the We Tip hot-line on me at my job and I had to resign because I had marijuana in my system on top of my prescription drugs.

This happened on December 7, 2007. Two weeks later on Christmas morning while my son was opening his presents I went into a seizure and had to go to the hospital. I had taken 8 Ultram that morning.

So, after they did a drug screen on me, they sent it to my doctor and I got cut off of all my prescriptions because of the marijuana. At this point I have no job, no money, no prescriptions and I go through physical withdrawals for the first time ever.

I would literally be shaking in my bed, sweating profusely until I would get a couple pain pills in me. I got my income taxes in February, 2008..spent $3,500 in one week on oxycontins! I couldn’t believe my money was gone and I didn’t pay one dime to rent so I got evicted.

I found out I was pregnant and actually weened myself down with vicodin and was doing much better. Then, found out I had a miscarriage. I had to have surgery and I got prescribed Vicodin and Xanax.

So right back on the drugs. Eventually I start snorting heroin. That July I find out I’m pregnant again. So this time I decide I have to do something about this seriously. I checked myself into a rehab in Portsmouth in October, 2008. I only lasted 8 days there.

They weened me down with Percosets. It didn’t help me any. I got out of there and went to another doctor’s office where I was getting prescribed Vicodin and Xanax. They were gone in 2 days.

I snorted heroin throughout that pregnancy until the 8th month when my husband and I got arrested for shoplifting. I had to do 2 days in jail and he got 17 because he had a warrant out.

So, this time my son’s step mother calls Children Services on me. But, I didn’t stop using right away. It took me about a week to realize that if I didn’t stop I was going to lose my baby and my 6 year old son.

So, I go and stay at my dad’s and detoxed cold turkey because I couldn’t bare the thought of losing my children. I passed a drug test for C.S in 11 days. So, I have my son and he is perfectly healthy weighing in at 7lb. 7oz..nothing wrong with him at all! Just perfect!

So, eventually I start using heroin when he was about 6 weeks old. I started shooting in when he was just a few months old in July of 2009. My husband and I stole anything we could get our hands on. We junked all kinds of things that weren’t even ours. We stole from our parents. We lied..we did anything to get our fix.

In February of 2010 we had had enough. We got evicted once again. I went to a rehab called Talbott Hall in Columbus, OH and he went a week later. It had one floor for everyone getting detoxed on Suboxone.

When I left Talbott Hall they sent me home with a prescription of 6 Suboxone and I didn’t take any of them because I didn’t feel any withdrawals. I thought I was cured and I was strong enough to stay clean on my own.

I relapsed on Percoset in May 2010. My husband and I were split up at this time but we got high together. It seemed it was the only thing that we had in common. So, after we did Percosets a couple times we couldn’t find any and starting shooting heroin again.

I find out I am pregnant just a few weeks after I had relapsed and I still couldn’t stop using! I continued to shoot heroin until December 2010 when I drove myself to OSU medical center.

I stayed on a pregnany detox floor where it was nothing but pregnant women getting detoxed with methadone. I was there for 10 days and I was absolutely miserable. I still felt dope sick and I was in so much pain. The methadone didn’t help me at all.

I get out of OSU and 2 days later, I use…again. 8 months pregnant, mind you.. I knew that the chance that I would lose my daughter was huge! And, I still couldn’t stop!

So, I keep using until the first week of January. My due date just a month away. I started buying Suboxone off the street. I took them for about a week. I went about 5 days with nothing and ended up going into labor on January 15. The day after I had my daughter a social worker had come into my room because during one of my OB check-ups I had tested positive for THC, cocaine and opiates.

I had explained to her that I went to OSU and got detoxed and she asked if I would take a drug test. So I did and I came back clean! My daughter was clean! It was the scariest thing I had ever been through!

To know that drugs could be the cause of me losing my babies was just awful and I couldn’t even stop! I told the Social worker my entire story from the beginning and she said I sounded like a pretty smart girl and that made me feel really good.

But, once again after I had my daughter..I relapsed. I had to have an emergency C-section and was in tremendous pain. I had only got 1 1/2 days worth of pain medication. I had to take care of my 2 boys on top of my newborn daughter. So, I’m determined NOT to do heroin!

So, we called an old “friend” to ask if he could get us any percosets. We spent $90 on blood pressure pills! I’m just in the worst pain ever at this point! Call another “friend” and spent $40 on Ambien this time when we were told they were Percosets!

So, what happens next?? We call our old dope dealer because we know it’s going to be real dope. Now, I’m breastfeeding and shooting heroin. Everytime I did it I hated myself more and more and I just knew that I had to stop.

God had blessed me with 2 healthy babies even though I had used heroin 8 of 9 months with each baby. I knew I was blessed..how else could I explain it? So, once again I start buying Suboxones off the street. I called my own Suboxone doctor in March 2011. I’ve been taking the Suboxone since then.

The last time I quit taking Suboxone I had relapsed in 3 months. I don’t want that to happen again. I definitely don’t plan on being prescribed to Suboxone forever but for right now it’s keeping me sober. And that’s the most important thing to me!

I have depression and anxiety so I take Prozac and Abilify for that as well and it seems to be helping me a lot. I am the happiest I have ever been. I go to AA meetings, I go to church every Sunday, my husband and I started coaching my 9 year old’s basketball team.

We are living with his parents right now but I know I wouldn’t be here right now if I were still using. There was a time when my dad wouldn’t hand me a $5 bill but now that he knows I am sober I am driving a Dodge Neon that he paid for and it’s in his name. That’s how much he trusts me now! And it feels awesome to have that trust back.

My dad is also a recovering addict. He’s been sober for about 4 years. I want to share my story and help other addicts out there! I would love to travel to tell my story. I would also love to talk to pregnant women who are addicted to drugs who feel hopeless and maybe I could be that little bit of hope they need.

It may have taken me going through 2 pregnancies using heroin to realize how much God has blessed me, but it’s what I had to go through to get to where I am today. God bless!