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I swore never again!
I started using drugs at a very young age. I took my first bit of weed when I was 6. And turned into the everyday smoker by the time i was 11. " thanks to mom's stash."
When i turned 14 my mom passed away. And i went to live with my uncle after being tossed around from my brothers and sisters and then to a foster home. Because i was so depressed and angry no one could control me.
After moving in with my uncle, I soon found a new d.o.c. meth. I remember the first time i tried it. My friend was smoking it out of a light bulb. She shot gunned the first hit for me. Then let me do it on my own. The taste was horrible. I couldn't stop gagging. But after it passed i had more energy then i knew what to do with. I was cleaning everything. The high lasted 2 days. I remember looking in the kitchen and just the sight of food made me sick.
Any ways, my ex-girl friend showed up on day 5 months pregnant and i didn't know what to do. I was high and couldn't think clearly. She left mad as hell, and i didn't see her again until her step mom came to my house one day out of the blue and took me to see my new son.
I got got clean and got a job. I lived in Port Orchard and traveled to Seattle (2 1/2 hours each way) because my brother was the only one that could work me full time at 15 1/2. I did that for about a year until i lost my job. I became depressed and started using again. I used for about 8 months until i got booked for assault and spent 4 months in juvy.
I got out with my g.e.d and got my old job back. I stayed clean and everything was going good. I had a new s.u.v and an apartment, money in the bank, life was really worth living.
Then one day a guy we hired from work release got out and started using again... and so did I. Soon i was using everyday. Then i started selling. Not long after that i quit my job because i was making more selling then working. Well i soon lost my girl and fell into i.d. theft which turned into g.t.a. and everything else that goes along with it.
I landed myself a 16 month prison sentence at a max prison. None of witch was any fun. My ex and i started to talk again. And when i was released she picked me up at the gate and we drove to our new house. I got a job managing a bbq place and not long after that i had a new truck again money in the bank and everything on the up and up.
That lasted about a year. My sister died while i was in prison. My world flipped upside down. I started taking perks and then moved to 10 methdone a day. My girl kicked me out after losing my job because of the drugs.
I quickly turned my habit from pills to meth because pills were so expensive. I fell into selling again and it quickly turned back into theft and g.t.a. all over.
It took a year and 6 months for me to land myself 29 months in crcc in Washington state. I got through prison with the love and support of my sons mom. Again she was there when i got released from work release and i swore to her never again.
After getting out i soon quit my shitty busser job. And became the manager of a auto repair center. I was making good money and had bought a brand new car and had money saved in the bank.
Then one day it happened. I don't even know why or how. We were just snowboarding and all the sudden out the meth came. I knew better then to do but i did it any way.when i got home i took 6 sleeping pills and passed out. I woke up fine the next day and everything seemed to be normal.
But that next weekend it happened again. Only this time there was a bag needles on the table. My preferred way of doing it. It started 3 months before i went to prison and I'll never forget the feeling. Anyways, so i loaded up my rig and pushed 40cc into my arm. It's a feeling i have always loved. Soon i was getting high a few times a week.
Then i quit my job and it turned into everyday. I have been trying to get myself clean but have became more addicted to the needle then the drug. I try my hardest everyday to stay clean. i tell myself. No and most days i can beat it. But some days i cant.
I don't even shoot dope anymore. I shoot water most of the time. But for some reason. I still get that high like feeling. I hate myself for doing this to her again and to my son again.
Sometimes i feel like death is going to be the only time i will b strong enough not to use. It's funny cuz its not at my low points when i get high its at the peek of my success. And i want to know how or if i even can fix it?
People always say that we are in the game when we are using. But my life isn't a game. And sooner or later its going to kill me. I guess it will be game over.
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." - Matthew 7:7-8