Making sense of nonsense

by Ali
(own private hell)

It's those who think they are ok, really aren't. ME! I know I'm walking a thin line and how I've kept my balance for so long is a true mystery.

I've done a lot of drinking and using throughout my life, and have been sober for about the same amount of time throughout my life. I truly can't say where my loyalty lays. I love me some pills washed down with a drink, now who am I kidding?

I've been able to walk away from both yet they keep calling me back. I never thought this could happen to me, in the full throws of addiction and slowly killing myself. I'm a hard working single mom, I get up everyday and do my duties whether I'm sick or not. My kids have a nice home, nice clothes and haven't ever gone hungry. I haven't ever gotten abusive or even missed a game or appointment, hell I can truthfully say I've never been late to pick them up from anywhere, I help them do their homework go on field trips tell them I love them a few times a day. Yet I know my addiction has to be affecting them and I still continue.

I know this time around I'm not gonna be able to do it on my own. I want to be healthy and I have little time or resources (I so know that is an excuse to avoid the work). Wish me luck fellow mates, cuz I do know how messed up I am and it still doesn't bother me. Sick and twisted yet pluggin along!

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- Matthew 7:7-8


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