My husband

I need help from someone who maybe can relate to where he is in life. I have never used and I guess I just don’t understand.

I know I don’t understand when it comes to addiction and how it makes you feel. We met at a get together at one of his brothers house and we hit it off great. After a while I learned that he was a pot smoker, I already new he was a drinker. I did bug me but I had came out of a nasty relationship that I just told him that if he was going to get serious with me then he would have to stop.

It was agreed.

THEN the DRAMA hit I got knocked up and our lives changed. He wanted to be a daddy so we moved in together and started a life. He swore that it was over however he still had his same friends and activities.

The next thing I know I woke up one night and a friend of his and him are shredding, or whatever, it in the living room. I kicked his friend out and said go.

Well it hadn’t stopped and at this point I am concealing his secret. I blew one night when his parents came over and I thought my nightmare of it was over.

I didn’t say this but I was at home alone all the time when he was home it wasn’t him and he was always fight with me. He didn’t want to have sex I went for over 7 months without it. He never stayed out all night but he would be gone long enough it could have been a second 40 hour a week job.

Well I thought his parents would care or something and his mom said well you knew he was on it when you got married. So I was alone in this battle.

I decided to move, what do you know he convinced me that if we moved he could start fresh again. It would be different. Well we moved over an hour away and he goes out and meets someone who looks like he is on dope too. I didn’t say anything.

I had suspicions but i knew he would screw up and it would come out and it did. I decided divorce is the only answer I had two babies and one on the way. I went home to my dad’s house. My dad didn’t know anything he thought that he wanted both the single life and marriage.

I prep for divorce and am looking at what i have to do to break away from this. He would call me every day and tell me that he loves me and whatever and by the end of the 2 weeks I wasn’t sure that I still loved him. The last night before my trip with my dad was over. He said he would do anything to make it all better. He would go to rehab or therapy.

So I got home and called his insurance and got a substance abuse doctor. It took a few weeks to tell that he was different and over time I could see he was doing good.

He wasn’t moody or watching the clock to have to be somewhere and it was enough that I thought he meant it that he was done. He stopped going anywhere for several years until he met a guy and he wanted to go over to have a beer and play playstation. I let him go I mean I know that its not fun to be at home all the time and he had been good so I didn’t stress over it. Anytime in the past he would be defensive, and after medication he was open and answered anything.
well I am at a new place and am suspicious.

The last couple of weeks or maybe even few months. i see those traits again. I ask and he gets defensive.

We took the kids to the pool and he was what I knew was high and he said it was the new dose of xanax that he got. He ate everything he could find and fell asleep and sleep until the pool opened up that was like 30 minutes. His sex drive is near none. He thinks i am out to turn his kids against him and i haven’t said one word.

There are fights that i think he is mental. The last week he cant sleep at night and gets up to watch tv. I have researched this and and these are the common side effects for weed and very few of these things go with xanax. I don’t know and think that he can’t give it up no matter how much he says that he isn’t addicted. I just need help.

We started off not so good but we have been happy for the last several years. i am not willing to go back but i need someone to tell me what he isn’t.

Feel free to ask ??’s or whatever if you need to.

Like Gum on Your Shoe

by: Ned Wicker

Addiction is like that piece of old gum on your shoe–it never seems to go away. I say this because recovery is a lifestyle, not just the last chapter of treatment.

Addiction is a part of us. I am a nicotine addict, but I haven’t had a cigarette in 20 years. Your husband cannot use, period.

It’s like an alcoholic whose main goal in life is to drink again without the negative consequences. He has to get back into treatment and deal with his issues, as the disease will not be controlled without help.

Likewise, you would benefit from help and support, so I would recommend a call to Al-Anon. I do hope he can see the light and seek help. You and the kids are worth it.

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