Lost everything I ever loved!
(Melbourne, Victoria Australia)
Today I'm rocking 78 days clean I'm insane and scared to leave the house suffering depression but I'm clean thank you to the rooms of NA that keep me clean ...
A letter saying goodbye to my drug ... I would like to share with you all ..
I am writing you this letter to say goodbye for the very last time. We have had some wild good and bad memories 24 years of addiction is all. I'm not feeling sad to let you go, you were my best friend, my sole mate. I put you first in my life every minute of every day.
You made me feel good and made me feel sad, put me through hell and stayed by my side, you made me forget a lot of bad stuff, you helped me through the hard times and you never let me down.
Our connection was so strong I became so reliant on you and as time went on you started letting me down. I thought you were the best thing in my life until I woke up in psych wards and rehabs.
Awake weeks on end, asleep and comatose for days...black eyes, devil inside... psychotic episodes, paranoid, anxious, sick, panic attacks and isolation.
Not eating for weeks, skin and bones to look in the mirror was so hard. You stole my life with my family and everyone and thing that I care about, you made me blind and naive, you took my sole - the insanity was crazy the feeling of pain inside me is crazy - I'm sad when I have you, I'm sad when I don't. I now know you are no good for me. Now here I am in rehab again almost 40 years old, from rehab to psych wards all my life... sick and tired of being sick and tired. So time to break free and live a happy bright life like my childhood use to be drug free..
To be the mum I should be and take care and be kind to me. My heart and sole needs healing it's going to take time but I'm going to be free.
One day at a time. So goodbye to the drugs I will never look back you disgust me in every way and your friendship was fake you never loved me.
Looking forward to finding me and loving me.
Looking forward to smiling again one day.
Looking forward to loving myself and family again.
There is no rush, one day at a time will keep me drug free.