Heroin

by Savannah
(Virginia)

My name is Savannah and I'm an addict. I struggled with drugs for ten years. People always ask why?

I grew up in Utah, the Mormon state. I was constantly left out because I wasn't Mormon. I struggled to fit in. People made fun of me for being a red head. Through out all of school I felt like an outcast. But it stems back even farther then that.

When I was about 4 or 5 my mom was on a bowling league. The babysitters in there forced my brother and I to play house. The memory is very vague. But they made my brother get on top of me. That's all I remember.

I was raped at 19. But I let that go because of the fact that I was really drunk. But I did say no! All these things were building up inside of me.

When I was about 19 and a half maybe 20, I had messed around with ecstasy and coke a little. But then I had met Jordan. He introduced me to heroin. I found my new love! Not Jordan. But heroin. Well I thought I loved them both, until I decided to quit and get my life together.

Jordan and I later got engaged. I was going to beauty school. Life was good. I moved into an apartment with Jordan! So after a little while clean, I found a reason to celebrate. I had passed my practicals for my 1000 hours at beauty school. So I texted Jordan and said I wanted to celebrate. He's like get drunk? I'm like hey no! Coke! And then he assumed heroin. So the night went on. The next thing I remember I wake up in the hospital, not remembering a damn thing.

It wasn't until my sister told me after several days awake that I had overdosed and aspirated and that Jordan left me for dead. She convinced him to take me to the hospital. Whitney had to make the call to our parents because they had pretty much said come say good bye to your daughter she won't make it through the night. But I did.

After a year of relearning how to eat, talk, writing, walking And going to the bathroom... enough was enough. I really struggled. I had no jail time because I had lost everything. The courts had ordered rehab and constant drug screens. Come to find out Jordan was in the same program. I moved back in with my parents. Soon after, I didn't want to follow the rules so I moved out. I began partying again getting out of control. Wanting to escape reality. I did this dance back and forth for about 6 years.

I finally got out of Utah. Moving around to all the states with my current love, Justin. You think that would be happiness? Nope I still wanted to party and loose control. I lost several jobs and friends over the years and jeopardized relationships. So we moved to Virginia, Justin and I had been clean for about 6 months.

Then there was a concert coming up with Jimmy Buffett! I'm like eh I'll go but I wanna get messed up! Justin goes and tries to find perc or tabs, no luck, so guess what's available? Good ol heroin!

I hadn't used heroin since my over dose in Utah. But I'm like it will just be this one time. We go to the concert, have a gay old time. I think. We go back to the hotel get more heroin. Savannah doesn't know when to stop, she's an addict.

Justin came back in the morning to give me breakfast, slapped my ass thought I was faking it. Then turned me over I was blue and cold to the touch. Instead of leaving me for dead like my last boyfriend, Jordan, he does the right thing called 911. They tried CPR. Non responsive. Tried clearing my throat still nothing. I don't know how or why but Justin picked me up over his shoulder and stuff started coming out of my eyes and every orafus, then put me back down and began CPR.

I later woke up in the hospital and was like what the hell happened? I had overdosed again. I spent a short time in the hospital. Then on my release date, the cops came and I'm arrested. This was my bottom. Jail scared me. I spent just over 45 days in jail and I got ferlowed to Edge Hill rehab for 30 days, went through that, lived in a sober living facility for 7 months. And did out patient rehab for a while, finished probation.

I'm happy to say I'm 2 and half years clean. But everyday is a struggle. I've lost so many friends to heroin overdoses. But I can truly say if I pick up again, my life will not be spared or saved again. I'll die. So that's my story in a nut shell. The struggle is real.

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