My addiction and my kids!!

by Jerry
(Tulsa, Ok)

As I sit here and think about my family, I wonder what it's like to live with an addict. I know it must be hell, cause it's pure hell being the addict.

I am really two sided on the whole thing. I hate the fact that they have to live with an addict and see all the nasty and evil things behind drug addiction, but on the other hand I'm glad they see it first hand. As every parent I want only the best for my children and don't want them to ever try drugs. That is why I say I'm glad they live with an addict.

I say that because they see the hell I go thru. They see me struggle every day with trying to hustle up my next fix to seeing me go thru the withdraws and being sick or hospital visits cause I missed a shot and my arm swells up or I come close to overdose and blackouts from taking to many Xanax.

I'm the type of addict that will use pretty much whatever I can get. My drug of choice is Dilaudid and oxycodon. Meth is right there with it. I don't hide anything from them and I know that some of you that read this will say I'm a piece of s@@t, and you would be right up to a point.

My feelings about it is this: I've been an addict for over 25 years and know first hand what it's like to be an addict and everything that goes with it, I've been thru it all. I've had a heart failure and flat-lined for three minutes to prison and rehabs. So I do believe that they won't fall victim of addiction for the simple fact that they see and experience what it's like to suffer addiction cause although they ain't experiencing the physical pain they are experiencing the mental pain.

People please don't take that the wrong way. I don't mistreat my kids outright by verbally abusing them and I DO NOT physically abuse them, I take good care of my family, they don't do without cause of my addiction they always come first no matter how sick I am!!!

I guess my point is that us as addicts ain't the only ones suffering with the misery of addiction. I have had enough of this misery I'm seeking recovery and plan on giving my kids there dad back!!!

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest and I hope my story brings light on the big picture that we have loved ones that are suffering to... Thanks,

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- Matthew 7:7-8

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