What Should I Do?
You are faced with a situation and you not sure what you should do to help your loved on to stop their addiction. You have many questions and no where to get correct answers.
It’s common with people who are dealing with Addiction for the first time, or even those who have dealt with them for years but never learned about what they can or should do in a given situation.
So I started dating “frank” in October. In December i found out through his room mate he was shooting up heroin. i had no idea. never even new how to “use” it.
We broke up and he PROMISED to get clean. Well he did for awhile and after about 6 months we moved in together. He relapsed about 3 times in 2 months. Then he was clean again for 5 months until his brother committed suicide. One month sober after that. Relapsed and hasn’t done heroin since.
But now he has a new addiction. Pain pills. At first i was ok with it cause i thought a couple every now and then would keep him from wanting the “dope”. Well he started lying about how much money he was spending on the pills. then in my computer history i saw he was searching how to inject a certain pain pill. he denies it. That’s another problem. He never tells the truth, even when i have evidence.
My biggest problem is I’m STUCK. He pays the rent and i have a car payment, insurance, groceries, cable, internet and electric. I cannot afford rent on my own either. I keep hoping he is going to just come clean. But it doesn’t seem that way. I feel disrespected and made a fool.
I don’t know what else to do. i try talking about it with him and he gets mad and says he’s not talking about it or he says im not doing anything behind your back. I have literally driven myself into a serious depression.
I have always been a weak person when it comes to relationships. Ive searched for therapy help but i cant afford it and no where in South Carolina (close by anyways) that offers any kind of free help. And to top it all off i have no family near to move in with until i can get my own place.
WHAT TO DO??
You are seeing the dreadful impact of the disease on your boyfriend, and I think you’re seeing that you have little chance of a future unless he is about to get back into treatment and regain control of his life.
Of course he’s lying to you and he’ll continue to lie to you. Look out, the pills will soon go by the wayside because they’re too expensive.
Heroin is less expensive and readily available on the street, so I am sure he’ll go back to it. He pills just replaced the heroin, but it’s still an opiate addiction.
You say “I’m stuck,” but let’s take a look at your prospects and see how stuck you really are. He has made his problem YOUR problem. You are paying for the electric, the cable, the groceries, the internet and the electric. Fine.
You still need to get out of the relationship because it is leading you to misery and financial ruin. He will tap you for everything and all of his shortcomings will be your fault. You will not win this battle. He has to win it, but without consequences to his behavior he’ll never change anything.
Cancel the utilities. You still have your car payment, but see if you can move in with a friend, or find an inexpensive, temporary accommodation. You need to take care of your business without your boyfriend’s addiction.
I know, you love him and you want to stay by him, right? His addiction does not care about your needs, his lifestyle has no room for you and your relationship is being shredded by his disease, so what do you have?
Talking to him about it is senseless. He won’t listen and he’ll never listen until he gets into treatment and can once again see the reality of his life. As it stands right now, you’re being played for a fool and a sucker. Call your local chapter of Al-Anon, an organization designed to help people just like you. I am certain that there are people out there who might be able to help you.
Son Addicted to Crack?
My son is 36 married with four children, living in my house and was paying rent.
He lost his job because of his drug addiction on crack.
Your son needs treatment, but understand that addiction is a family disease. If he’s addicted to crack, everyone in the family suffers.
Therefore, as a family, you need to move forward and create a treatment and recovery plan for him. Seek out the advice of professionals, such as your doctor or counselors from a local treatment center and get the guidance you need to effectively do your part.
Al-Anon is an outstanding source for support and information. Do not allow him to undermine your efforts, as his decisions are entirely based on him using crack.
He will not agree with your plan and he will likely fight you, because addiction doesn’t give up without a fight.
Put your plan together, stand your ground and get him into treatment.
More Addiction Questions:
I. Personal Concerns
II. Addiction Questions related to Family: Spouse/Partner
III. Addiction Questions related to Family: Child
IV. Recovery/Cycle of Addiction
VI. General Questions
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Summary of Addiction Question
Addiction Questions usually are about how to help an addict to stop using. The loved SEES the destruction being caused by their addiction and wants to help. The advice is to go to some local Al-anon meetings because the people their KNOW what to do to help.
You also need to LISTEN to the advice you receive, many get advice but few follow it.
Addiction Questions are not easy because the disease attacks the brain and that makes it much more challenging to treat. Help is possible but the longer the addiction has been in place the harder it is to treat it.
HOW TO USE THIS SITE:
Read these five pages and learn what you need to know to spot Addiction in:
Yourself… Your Family… Your Friends… Your Community…
The rest of the pages are there for your reference to explain important topics in more detail.
Finally don’t miss the Spiritual and 12-step sections to fully explore how understanding THE SPIRIT can lead to recovery!